You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
