My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize