Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
