So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
