if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
