if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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