i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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