Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
