my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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