Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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