he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I love how my cats smell like pot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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