I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
