dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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