so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
