LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
