Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
