I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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