I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
