Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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