Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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