The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
