You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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