Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
