yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's the barista slut.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
