I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
