I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
