so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
