How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
