Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
