the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
