is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
