Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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