Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
