So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
