2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
