just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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