there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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