I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize