You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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