I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
