I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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