HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got inside last night via doggy door
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
