im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
