"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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