just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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