i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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