there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize