I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
