Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
