$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
