haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
