What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
