um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This toilet bowl is my home.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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