Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
