i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
