hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
