I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
