Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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