Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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