I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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