is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
