Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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