Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
