hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
