I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
