Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
