i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
