a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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