would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
